“Fall with awareness and acceptance.” ~ Brian Kest

I braced myself against the cold wind as I walked from my car to the warm Inner Bliss studio. My boots chilled out with the other pairs on the gray mat; my puffy jacket snuggled in to the coat rack. *Sigh* I made it. One of the most wonderful feelings is arriving for yoga.

Now it was time to arrive on the mat. Tammy began her 5:45 class with a nice breathing meditation, which was a great opportunity to go from “unconscious breathing to conscious breathing.” I inhaled for a count of four then exhaled for a count of four, sitting in both the fullness and emptiness. I love feeling “full,” and I notice how I can sneak in just a little more breath; the emptiness, though, is not as pleasant. I am squeezing out the air, there’s a feeling of wanting to inhale, and impatience to get there. I notice this. I see the emptiness for what it is–not good, not bad, just empty.

As we filled ourselves up with warmth, we began to flow beautifully. My fellow yogis were so grounded, solid, and anchored in practice today, even though some of us fell. I toppled left, then right in half moon–swinging my hips open to quickly sent me over. In another pose, I tried too hard to hold one leg up just…a…bit…higher, and I lost my form and, eventually, my balance. And in all of this falling, where was the breath?:)

The breath was definitely with me in pigeon, that’s for sure. In fact, it’s essential for me to focus on the breath in this pose or I will lose. my. mind. The sensations start immediately, and they only grow stronger. The ego talks of escape, the leg begs for freedom, and the tears well up. We took it a step further today: Pigeon on the left side with the left arm and ear down and the right arm stretched up and away and eventually curved down the back to open the shoulder. Try this, and you will feel it right on the side of your left thigh. My body didn’t even know how to react to this; it wanted to cry. Pigeon, I will learn to love you.

After class, I asked Tammy for some assistance with the expanded dancer pose. When I do it, my balancing arm shakes, my shoulder doesn’t want to open, my hips sink, and my feet struggle to offer support. I entered the pose, and Tammy put her hand on my upper back, and said to lift from here. Ahhhh, now I get it. Something for me to try next time.

It feels good to write this post right after the yoga class, too. It’s nice to write my thoughts down and soak up all that this practice has done for me. I am pleased with myself that I have practiced yoga for 13 days in a row, and I am starting to see that practice only leads to more practice. 🙂